Easy there big guy

“I'm officially declaring war on either Lopez (if he made the pick and somehow knew that Rondo was a mega-sleeper, which is exceedingly doubtful) or the pipsqueak intern from NBA.com who drafted Lopez's team and knew I liked Rondo (overwhelmingly possible). Well, you listen to me, pipsqueak intern. I'm going to find out your name. It might take a day, it might take a week, it might take five years, but I'm going to find out your name. Then I'm coming after you. And I'm not stopping until you're either dead, framed for a murder or reassigned to the WNBA.com Web site. Then you can tell everyone there how you stole Rondo from me as you're fetching them New York Liberty attendance stats. You hear me? Nobody grabs my sleeper. How dare you.” – Bill Simmons in a recent mailbag describing his disappointment over losing out on Rondo in his celebrity fantasy basketball draft.

I’ve always seen the avalanche of Simmons criticism as a form of jealousy. So this is not an outright attack. However, perhaps he should take a few deep breaths and reconsider his role in the universe.

And if you wondering why I can’t really attack Simmons it’s because he still throws the fastball at times. From last spring:

“Sonics free-agent pickup Marcus Fizer on what he learned in the D-League this season: ‘I'm a lot smarter now. I thought I had all the answers. I had much success in college and, of course, being an instant millionaire you are going to think you have all the answers. ... I have an 8-year-old, a 7-year-old, 5-year-old and 2-year-old. Family values are important to me. You know what's not as important though? Condoms.’

(All right, I made that last part up. But he really did say everything else. See, the D-League can do some good: Marcus Fizer is a lot smarter now!)”

That condoms line still kills me.