Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Celtics Roster: Allen through Perkins

Tony Allen: Guard, #42 – Tony Allen’s lost sophomore campaign, though not as depressing for me as Big Al’s step back last year, was disappointing. I will always be a fan of a guy who works hard on defense and dunks whenever he can. But I do have a couple of concerns with Allen:

1. I’m not sure if all those put back dunks his rookie season blinded me to the fact that he might not belong in an NBA rotation just yet. However, you can’t blame me if you watch the following clip. I call it
Weak Side Rebound Yo!

2. His assault case was delayed to the point that it will take place this season. Although it worked for Kobe. So maybe Allen’s game will rise to new heights. Of course Kobe does not have a soul. No really he does not: Smoking Gun

Notice how the fact that Allen is facing assault charges was not a concern for me. The trial yes, but not the act itself. Not sure what this means.

Ryan Gomes: Foward, #4 - Young, inexperienced, but he plays hard and has a basketball IQ. Word is he lost weight over the summer (which seems to be a common theme) to potentially be a small forward/power forward hybrid. But most importantly Gomes’ mere existence led to one of the greatest sound bytes of all time: Frustrated Calhoun. So he’s got that going for him, which is nice.

Brian Grant: Foward/Center, #55 - I remember channel surfing one night, checking out a Lakers’ game, and being speechless when I saw Grant hanging out in the paint. That was two seasons ago. Thankfully Danny Ainge cleared the air in August by simply saying, “He has not been officially released; he's still on our roster but he's not going to play with us this year."

Gerald Green: Foward, #5 - In reading reactions to the Vegas Summer League it was clear that some scouts lowered Green’s ceiling. But he’s tall, athletic and will not turn 21 until mid January. Let’s all relax. And as Tommy Heinsohn says, “He's one of these kinds of guys that if you put a dollar up there he'll snatch the dollar off the top of the backboard and leave change, because that's how long he hangs in the air.” Enjoy the maniacal laughter too: Jerome James Poster

Orien Green: Guard, #0 - Okay he was waived on June 30th. Indulge me. I still can’t fathom how he appeared in 80 games last year and averaged 15 minutes. Although he was third on the team in steals (77). Regardless, there are two things I would not do as a borderline NBA player:

1. Wear #0. Why be a punch line?
2. Get arrested.

What would I do? Ride the groupie train as long as possible. Of course I would also hire a financial planner and invest my money…in groupies.

Al Jefferson: Forward, #7 - In the past year Jefferson was borderline vilified for his struggles on defense, failure to dominate summer league and ankle problems that eventually required surgery. At 21 I engaged in eating contests at Chinese buffets and then ate Hostess snacks afterwards to prove a point to my vanquished foes. As you can imagine I have patience with Big Al. Granted everyone is concerned with wasting Pierce’s prime, but young guys take time. Compare Big Al’s first two years to Jermaine O’Neal’s:

Jefferson

O’Neal

It is important to note that O'Neal was not playing as many minutes. And while I can only hope that Al develops into a similar player, I fully expect him to do this at some point: Haymaker

One more point on Jefferson. Having completely missed the “Live Strong” inspired wristband phenomenon I almost broke down and bought a “Big Al” wristband. But I could not bring myself to do it. I was reminded of Dwayne Wade's response to a reporter's question about whether or not he missed Shaq from earlier this summer, "As a grown man, I never say I miss another grown man." Now if Jefferson averages 20 and 10 I would be willing to reconsider.

Dwayne Jones: Foward/Center, #27 - I know two facts about Dwayne Jones. He played his college ball with Delonte. And he came over to the Celtics with Szczerbiak. Given the latter, Jones should use the following mantra with coaches, management, media, fans, etc:

I helped get rid of Mark Blount.
I helped get rid of Mark Blount.
I helped get rid of Mark Blount.
I helped get rid of Mark Blount.
I helped get rid of Mark Blount.
I helped get rid of Mark Blount.

Michael Olowakandi: Center, #41 - Olowakandi is a free agent, he's terrible and Celtics are bringing 5oo players to camp. I think it's safe to say that the picture to the right is the closest we'll come to seeing him in a Celtics’ uniform ever again. To be honest I was hoping to channel some Bill Walton style negativity but it just isn’t happening. Why? When it’s all said and done Olowakandi also helped get rid of Mark Blount. So how about a good Bill Walton anecdote instead?

Phone conversation from the summer of 1985:

“This is Bill Walton of the Los Angeles Clippers. I would like to play for your team. I think I can help.” – Bill Walton

“It’s Bill Walton. He wants to come here.” – Red Auerbach .

“Got get him.” – Larry Bird.

What are the odds of Auerbach and Bird being in the same room when Bill Walton decided to call? And did Red answer his own phone? There are some really unimportant people out there who never raised sixteen banners and still have secretaries. Of course if Red did have a secretary she would either be really old to the point that everyone was afraid she would die on the job. Or she would be the stereotypical young fox. And Red would smoke cigars and call her "Sweetheart", "Doll", "Sunshine" and so on. And no one would be uncomfortable with this. Where was I?

Kendrick Perkins: Center, #43 - I have to admit that I’m a little concerned that, like Big Al, Perkins is entering the season after a recent surgery. But I'll hold on to my optimism for another week or so. Meanwhile, enough time has passed that we can compare the Celtics acquiring Marcus Banks AND Perkins for Troy Bell and Dahntay Jones to the trade that brought Kevin McHale and Robert Parrish to town. Does anyone else think those deals are eerily similar? Actually they have nothing in common. But maybe, just maybe a Golden State Warriors fan will read this and it will ruin his whole day.


Coming Monday: Pierce through West.

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